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Of course, as a single 30-something female, I’ve dabbled into the world of dating abroad. Now, don’t let this confuse you with the short term travel hookup, where you might meet someone in a bar or a club. Oh, no. This is far more classy than that.

And by classy, I mean I use my good friend Bumble, who has many faces to introduce me to.

Now, don’t be alarmed, dating apps do have their reputations even in my home country, America. But, using dating apps abroad has been a whole different experience.

Let me explain…

Not only are you meeting someone from the internet but you’re also potentially meeting someone from a different country, different background and upbringing, and different language. So if first impressions weren’t enough, you also have all those other things to consider. It’s important to be open-minded.

So let’s get into the juicy details of my dating abroad experience in Istanbul.

The Screening Process

First things first, in order to find a date, you need to start swiping.

And let me tell you, this is the worst part of dating. The long tedious process of looking at pictures and finding out if the guy can actually speak English is soooo boring.

Since Bumble is an app where the female has to send the first message, I will usually ask a pretty random question. For example, what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?

Open-ended questions usually have a higher response rate. And let’s be honest, the popular, “Hey! What’s up?” gets boring real fast.

This is also a good way for me to judge how well their English is. If they can be creative with their responses, it usually leads to a good conversation on the app and potentially a meetup.

If they have to ask me a question about the question or give me weird answers, it’s time to move on.

The Dates On the Hunt for One Thing

I think it’s safe to say that men in middle eastern or Arab countries have the reputation of being a little too harassing towards women.

And Turkish men are either a hit or miss on this one.

During the screening process, I’ve definitely had quite a few just bluntly ask if I wanted to have sex. Then they get upset when I say no.

Another popular thing that Turkish men do is tell all sorts of lies and stories to get women to sleep with them. Them once they figure out that it’s not going to happen, they will ghost you so fast.

You see, they have this perception that foreign women are easy. And they couldn’t be more farther from the truth.

Am I right, ladies?

In my opinion, if a woman decides to move abroad to a foreign country alone, she’s independent, knows what she wants, and definitely not going to give in to any kind of fake promises from a man.

On the other hand, I’ve had some decent dates with Turkish guys. During the screening process, I make sure that they have at least been abroad. Because if they haven’t, they’re not going to be as understanding of cultural differences. I must say that the language barrier can be tough. Especially with slang or jokes.

However, by the end of the date, they usually still expect you to sleep with them. Almost as a given for spending the evening with them.

Huge turn off and definitely doesn’t lead to a second date.

The Dates That Invite Others

The whole point of a dating app is to meet people in person, not message back and forth for weeks.

And I understand that during this global pandemic that will impact your decision to meet someone in person.

On the other hand, after meeting for the first time and then constantly messaging back and forth with no real plan to meet up again, it gets annoying.

I had a dating abroad experience with a guy from Australia that ended up being like this. We first met at one of my favorite wine bars in Kadikoy. He turned out to be a journalist living in Beruit and was on a three week trip around Turkey.

About an hour into the date, he said his roommate was going to come and get the key to the Airbnb.

I didn’t think that meant that his roommate would join the date, but he did. And to top it off, the roommate invited another friend who happened to be a girl to also come to join.

During their conversations, I realized that they are all old college buddies from the University of Austin, and reminisced about their time there. Which left me in an awkward nod and smile situation.

Afterward, the original guy I was meeting messaged me a couple of times but it would always just turn into nothing. And when you realize you’re the one always initiating the conversation, it’s time to move on.

The Awkward Dates

Ever had dates where from the beginning you knew it just wasn’t going to work out?

Well, try having an awkward vibe plus a language barrier…yeah, not fun.

When the only thing that the guy can say is that, “You’re beautiful,” it’s time to go. I was unfortunate enough to have one of these encounters with a guy from Tunisia.

There was another guy that I messaged one morning and we ended up meeting later in the afternoon on the same day. He was Turkish and was in Istanbul wanting to break into an acting career.

He seemed totally fine to begin with, but when he started judging and commenting on my body language, it just made the whole thing really miserable.

Another awkward dating abroad story I had was with a guy from Lebanon who liked to go out and party. Not really my style but, hey, why not.

So I met him in Kadikoy at one of the night clubs where we got some drinks. If you’re ever tried to have a conversation in the middle of a loud night club, you already know it’s not possible.

So instead of yelling back and forth at each we left the club and walked around the streets of Kadikoy. He was super clingy holding onto my arm while we walked around telling me how he’s glad he finally met someone “normal.”

I put a stop to that right away. I definitely didn’t need a clingy guy around. So I told him I wanted to get home before public transportation stopped at midnight. He seemed really disappointed, but I was happy to finally get away.

The One That Stuck Around

Now I know this may sound a little crazy, (ok, it is kind of crazy) but after meeting this guy only twice before, he decided to stay with me for an extra week in Istanbul.

We actually met the week of Halloween. He seemed pretty normal, a fellow American from LA, so there were no communication problems.

It was the typical drinks and dinner first date and we did enjoy our time together.

However, I actually didn’t think we’d see each other again since he was supposed to continue his travels and go to Egypt the following week.

I was definitely wrong on that one.

We kept in touch the days after we met and ended up seeing each other again the night before his flight to Egypt.

For logistical purposes, he asked me if he could just bring all his things over to my place since he was flying out of the Asia airport and I live closer to that airport than his Airbnb was. So it didn’t make sense for him to have to go all the way back to check out of his Airbnb and then go all the way back to the airport.

So, he pretty much moved in with me for a night.

Now you’re probably thinking, Stefanie, why would you let this man you barely know basically move in with? And, you know, I keep asking myself the same question.

But, it was one of those things where you just have this natural chemistry with each other that makes it so easy to be yourself.

The following morning we realized we weren’t ready to say goodbye to each other quite yet. So he decided to change his flight and push it back a week to spend extra time with me.

In the Weeks That Followed

The week that we spent together is something that I definitely don’t regret at all. Even though I still had work during the day, we spent the evenings together and really got to know each other. I know that this is a very rare experience to have while dating abroad, but I’m glad that it happened to me.

Before we knew it, the week was up and it was time for him to actually go to Egypt.

We continued to talk on a daily basis and sometimes ended up having 2+ hour phone conversations.

Then he invited me to come to Egypt during my winter break from school, but that’s a story for another time. 😉